Why Is Secondary Infertility on the Rise? A Holistic Fertility Expert Explains

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If you already have a child and now find yourself unexpectedly struggling to conceive again, you may be feeling something that's hard to put into words: confusion, guilt, and a strange kind of loneliness — because if you already have a baby, shouldn't this be easier the second time around?

Here's what's actually going on, and why you're far from alone in this.

Secondary Infertility Is More Common Than You Think

Secondary infertility — difficulty conceiving after a previous successful pregnancy — affects roughly 15% of couples. In social science, any pattern affecting more than 10% of a population means you almost certainly know someone experiencing it, even if they've never mentioned it.

And that's exactly the issue: secondary infertility is deeply common and deeply unspoken. There's a quiet social expectation that if you conceived once, you should be able to do it again easily. When that doesn't happen, it often comes wrapped in embarrassment or self-doubt — an internal questioning of what's different this time?

Why Is This Happening More Often?

There are two major factors at play.

1. Your Body Is Already Carrying a Heavier Load

Here's a helpful way to think about your reproductive system: it's a non-essential system of the body. You don't need it to survive — if you were running from danger, your body would prioritize your cardiovascular and nervous systems, not reproduction. Fertility is a "bonus system" that requires extra energy and resources to function well.

Parents — especially parents raising a child while trying to conceive again — are carrying more physical, mental, and emotional load than ever. Between the demands of parenting, work, and lack of systemic support, that heavier load leaves less "extra" energy available for the body to devote to conception. When the body senses it's already stretched thin, non-essential systems like fertility are often the first to be deprioritized.

2. The Body Remembers

A more recent factor is showing up specifically in parents who gave birth during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. That was, for many, an isolating and uniquely stressful experience — and the body holds onto that. Even though circumstances have changed, the nervous system can still carry a kind of protective hesitation around going through pregnancy and birth again.

What to Do If You're Experiencing This

If you have a gut feeling that something isn't working the way it did before, you don't have to wait for an official diagnosis to start gathering information. Most doctors won't formally diagnose infertility until you've been trying for six months to a year — but that doesn't mean you can't request testing before then.

Two tests to start with, both of which your regular doctor can typically order:

• A hormone panel — to get a baseline read on what's happening with your cycle
• A semen analysis — since sperm health is a factor in roughly half of all infertility cases

More advanced tests — like AMH (Anti-Müllerian Hormone), which reflects ovarian reserve, or an HSG exam, which checks whether the fallopian tubes are open — may not be necessary right away, especially if you've already had a successful pregnancy. Starting with the hormone panel and semen analysis is often enough to gather meaningful data without jumping straight to more invasive testing.

The takeaway: don't wait until the six-month or one-year mark just because that's the "official" timeline. If something feels off, start asking for data now.

The Mental Layer: What Your Subconscious Is Telling You

Alongside the physical piece, there's often a mental pattern that shows up specifically with secondary infertility. The subconscious mind's core job is to keep you safe — and when it senses repeated disappointment, it tries to protect you by offering thoughts like:

• "We should just be happy with one."
• "We already have a child, this is fine."
• "Maybe we're pushing for something we don't actually need."

If you deeply desire another child, that desire is real and valid — it doesn't need to be talked out of existence just because you already have one. A helpful practice here is simple: acknowledge the doubtful thought, thank it for trying to protect you, and let it go, rather than letting it take over or convince you the desire itself is wrong.

The Energy Piece Parents Often Miss

This is the layer that's easy to overlook, but it matters enormously for secondary infertility specifically: as a parent, you are giving out energy constantly. That's part of what makes parenting beautiful, but it also means the energetic resources needed to create new life can run low if they're not being replenished.

Think of it like a vase that's constantly being poured from. If nothing is filling it back up, eventually there's nothing left to create from.

A simple, non-judgmental way to check in with this: each morning, before caffeine or movement, ask yourself — on a scale of one to ten, how tired am I really? This isn't about guilt or fixing everything at once. It's simply a starting point for noticing whether your own cup needs refilling before your body can pour into creating new life.

You're Not Behind, and You're Not Alone

Secondary infertility carries a specific kind of isolation, because it so rarely gets talked about. But the body, mind, and energy framework above — often called the H.E.R. Fertility Method — offers a place to start: gather real data about your body, notice what your mind is telling you without letting it take over, and check in honestly with your own energy levels.

If you're not sure which of these areas needs the most attention right now, the Fertility Block Quiz can help you find out in just a couple of minutes.

Take the Fertility Block Quiz →

You'll also receive a free 101 Fertility Checklist to help you take your next step with clarity, not just hope.

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